


The One That Got Away

by irinawrites



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-16 00:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18509785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irinawrites/pseuds/irinawrites
Summary: 15 years ago, he left the love of his life to follow his dream. Today, he stands as one of the most respected and highly accomplished Cardiothoracic Surgeon at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital.In an unexpected turned of events, Levi Schmitt finds himself face to face with the man he regretfully calls, "The One That Got Away."





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Found myself refreshing the page, and was a bit unsatisfied that there are only a few fics about these two. Let me add one of my stories to humor everyone. This will be loosely (very loosely) based on the drama, A Life. Hope you all like it.
> 
> I don't have a beta, but if you are willing, I will be beyond grateful.

 

-

 

He was silent for a minute before nodding. It was a sign of defeat, but also, a sign of acceptance. Levi can see him thinking as if trying to understand how and when it happened. He tried to hide his tears that were already falling from his eyes, so he looked down as if trying to brace himself from the inevitable.

Levi did not mean to make this painful, but Nico’s reaction has made it quite unbearable. He didn’t know that they were into this deep. They were so young, so naive. It was a young, are known to outgrow. So it wasn’t meant to be painful, Levi supposed. It was meant to be an easy, healthy break-up.

Levi’s not a heartless, selfish bastard. He’s not, but there were a lot of things he wanted to achieve on his own, things he couldn’t do if he’s tied up with someone who doesn’t understand his own goals and fulfillment in life. He wanted his own direction, to stand on his own, and to experience life that way he wanted. Away from the pressure, responsibilities, and commitments. Levi needs to find himself and he can’t do that when he’s married.

It felt like an eternity but finally, Nico looked at him. He slowly took the golden ring from the table between them, where Levi placed it earlier. He didn’t hide it away, but instead, he put it in his own ring finger.

“I didn’t know you were that unhappy. I just, all I wanted was for you to be happy.”

Levi felt horrible. Nico looked so hurt and beaten. It’s been two years of engagement, but he wasn’t happy. He just couldn't. This has to be done. Levi took a deep breath and went for the punch. “I will, but it was never with you.”

Nico looked down, avoiding his eyes. His voice shook as he whispered, “Did you ever love me, Levi?

Levi paused, biting his lip. It was now or never, and he knew he couldn't take back everything he had said. Whatever he says after this, will be the defining moment of their relationship. He just needs to do this one painful thing, so both of them can move on.

“Nico, I’m- I’m really sorry.”

He watched the shocked look on Nico’s face turns into disbelief to despair. He was outright crying now, and Levi can see him shivering from the pain he had caused. He wanted to comfort the other man, to hug him and kiss him, and to tell him that it will be alright but that would be just downright insulting. He can’t do that to Nico, not when the other man had given him so much love and joy.

Nico gently wiped his tears as he finally looked at Levi, his face forming a tired, defeated smile.

“I love you, Levi. I think I will always do. I genuinely wish that you find happiness. I really do.”

With that, Levi watched his first and real love stood up and walked away from him.

-


	2. The Secretary-General

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A VIP was rushed to Grey-Sloan resulting in a massive media frenzy.

It was a chilly Monday morning. The leaves have started to change its color and piece by piece has started falling from the trees. Autumn has come.

There was an eerie yet familiar feeling about this particular season. Something bittersweet, something heartbreaking. Levi Schmitt couldn’t seem to place what is it yet. But for sure, it was a hazy feel combined with a blurred evocation -  a puzzle he couldn't seem to solve. It haunted him every time he thinks about it, and it comes with a puzzling collection of memories of a defeated look, a stiff nod, a tearful eye, and a tired smile. With this, Levi had concluded that Autumn is definitely not his favorite season.

In addition to the gloomy feel it emits, Levi hated its cold weather. His body has its ways in making his eyes puffy and his nose red in order to cope with the cold. In addition, due to the chill and hibernal temperature, his mind tended to wander a lot which results in clumsiness and his awkward demeanor. In other words, Autumn makes him look ugly and stupid.

And worst, it happens to be, more often than not, the busiest season at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital.

So yeah, fuck Autumn.

-

Levi ran the hospital’s hallway to one of the lecture halls as fast as he could. He hadn’t slept for more than 3 hours due to a long surgery, hadn’t come home for the past two days and hadn’t even taken a shower yet, at least for the day. He’s not looking his best, but he needed to be early today.

The Secretary-General of the United Nation has collapsed while doing his speech at the University of Washington and was rushed to the hospital earlier today. The incident has caused a media frenzy, surrounding the hospital with hundreds of press wanting to get a piece of the story. Several politicians have visited the Secretary-General including the Secretary of State, few Congressmen, a couple of Senators and the President, himself.  

It’s not just the VIP patient who’s on the line anymore, it’s also the hospital’s reputation, and Levi understood the worry and concern of their Chief and why this needed to be their utmost priority.

The surgery heads, his cardiothoracic fellows and most of the medical staff were already inside when he arrived. Chief Karev gave him a look, and Levi bowed his head in embarrassment as he took his seat in the corner.

The chief cleared his throat, his eyes piercing through Levi’s, as he snarked, “Though extremely late, I’m glad our Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery decided to join us.”

There was laughter from the other doctors, and Levi tried not to whimper at the obvious snark from the chief.

“My apologies again, Chief.”

“Forgiven, I know you just came from a long surgery.” Karev smiled a bit, and Levi felt a little better. “Would you care to start the meeting so everyone’s aligned on our current situation?"

Levi nodded and slowly stood up to walk over the monitors showing the VIP patient’s echocardiogram. “So our VIP patient is Chandler Bourisicot, currently the Secretary-General of the United Nations, age 70, French-Caucasian male and based on our initial assessment and tests, we believe it’s a case of Aortic Valve Stenosis. The calcification is strong and Ventricular Tachycardia has appeared. Due to his age, a surgery would be difficult, this is due to his annulus being too small. For now, we used the beta blocker to reduce the burden of the heart.”

Doctor Grey walked toward the monitor, studying the patient’s heart that is being displayed. “Just wondering, what about a surgery using the Nicks or Manouguian technique?”

Levi bobbed his head up at Doctor Grey and gave her an appreciative smile. “Yes, I thought of that also, but in this case, the annulus of our patient is 18mm so a 21mm artificial valve cannot enter. A surgery that complicated especially with his age and cardiac function, may put his life at risk.”

Karev's eyes narrowed as he studies the echocardiogram result on the monitor. He was silent for a while, before nervously asking, “Are we sure about this Doctor Schmitt?”

Levi took a deep breath and gave the chief a firm nod. “I’m afraid he only has 6 months.”

-

It was a complete, uncomfortable silence once Chief Karev relayed their findings and analysis to the Secretary-General and his family. Levi watched Bourisicot’s wife tightened her hold on her husband’s hand, seemingly dumbfounded about the revelation. She whispered something in French to her husband, and it sounded like a desperate plea as her eyes were tearing up as she spoke it. It was a long conversation, a back and forth whispering, and Levi wished for a moment that he knew how to speak the language.

He had seen these kinds of hushed conversations from his patients before. Some were an encouragement, but most are out of worry. It’s always a tough decision when one knows that they have a deadline to beat, or in this case, a few months to live.

Eventually, after a long conversation, the couple finally nodded to each other. There was an awful moment of silence. Finally, the Secretary-General turned his head at them.

“Doctor Karev, I would like to get another opinion, if you don’t mind.”

Doctor Karev obviously stiffened but nodded quickly. Levi envied his composure. “Of course, Sir. But, I just want you to know, that Doctor Schmitt here, is the best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. Not only that he had won the Harper Avery Award two times,  and his research studies are exceptional -”

“I don’t doubt Doctor Schmitt’s findings nor his credentials, Doctor Karev.” Bourisicot interrupted as he looked over Levi with a smile. “I’m sure he’s a very capable Doctor. But no offense, Doctor Schmitt, I’d like to get my own Doctor’s opinion before accepting that I only have 6 months to live.”

“That’s fair,” Levi replied, returning a smile to the Secretary-General.

Chief Karev sighed, and Levi knew he’s been dreading this turn of events. “Let me get the details from you so I can contact your doctor.”

“He’s based at Charité Hospital in Berlin, just say that I personally asked him and if he can fly here at my request.”

“Charité, wow.” Chief Karev muttered. “Sure, may I have his name and details so we can contact him?”

The Secretary-General smiled at them appreciatively. “He’s currently their Head of Cardiothoracic surgery and Neurosurgery, Doctor Nico Kim.”

Levi felt his whole body froze, his fingers tight enough to almost break his pad. It’s as if one name has opened his very own pandora’s box. Stream of memories came pouring down on him, like technicolor movies on playback, superimposed on top of each other.

Nico bringing him a bouquet of flowers at one of his classes, embarrassing him in the process.  

 _“Wh-why?”_ He had asked. _“It’s our anniversary,”_ Nico had answered before swiftly walking away.

Nico introducing him to his parents, their unfriendly eyes staring at his own. _“The love of my life, Ma, Pa.”_

Nico walking over to him as he watched the beautiful sunset in the Maldives. “ _I’ve never thought I could be this happy, Levi. You make me so happy, I think I can die any minute. Marry me, Levi? Marry me and I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life making you happy._

Nico looking down, tears flowing from his eyes, _“Did you ever love me, Levi?”_

These were memories he had buried for more than a decade. Memories he had thought he had forgotten. The way Nico looked at him, the way he kissed, the way he loved, and the way he finally understood that he had lost Levi.

Levi felt like his whole body was floating like he could drift away any minute. He knew this feeling, as a Cardiothoracic surgeon, of course, he would know this feeling - it felt like heartbreak. A really painful heartbreak.

Levi swallowed hard as he watched Chief Karev walked over to the Bourisicot family with his pad on his hands. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about now, his head is too preoccupied with the recent revelation. Floating in the midst of his own pain and frustration.

At that moment, one thing is very, very clear to him, he knew now why Autumn was his least favorite season.

-

“They’re flying in a doctor from Charité.”

“No kidding.”

“The Chief initially doesn’t want, but since the Hospital’s reputation is on the line, he agreed. It’s just an examination.”

“Who’s the doctor anyway?”

“It’s Doctor Nico Kim.”

 _“The_ Nico Kim?”

“Wait- what?”

Levi hated gossip, but he couldn’t help but listen in to what the nurses and some nosy interns were walking about. He pretended to look at his pad as we walked near the station where the group of the nosy hospital staff was currently huddled in. The last time Levi heard about Nico was when he left the country after he graduated. He had focused on his studies and internship after, buried himself with books and research papers, so he can forget. So he can move on.

“He’s the youngest doctor to be the chief of both Cardiothoracic Surgery and Neurosurgery in Charité. I heard he got offered a job in John Hopkins but he opted for somewhere far. His research studies have changed modern surgery today.” An intern chimed in excitedly.

Levi tried to hide his smile. Of course. Nico was the kind of guy who would both take on Cardiothoracic Surgery and Neurosurgery. He remembered challenging him to do both, and he was met with an incredulous laugh and a remark, _“I’m not that kind of an overachiever. But yeah, if you say so. Why not?”_ So Nico did take on both, and Levi couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud.

“Isn’t he a Lasker award winner?”

“Yeah, and he’s also, wait for it, a Nobel Prize winner.” Another intern answered proudly.  

“A very gorgeous Nobel Prize winner.” A nurse cooed, showing them something on her phone.

There was an exchange of soft giggles and excitement among the group, and Levi almost wants to join in. There’s a lot of “Oh God, wow” and “Is he a doctor or a model, cause damn” coming from the staff, and Levi blushed a bit knowing that it wasn’t a lie. Nico, out of his excellence and loving nature, has one plainly obvious fact about him, he is a gorgeous man. It was once a source of insecurity for Levi, having a handsome boyfriend that his friends keep on cooing about.

He felt a little pathetic, however, listening in to the group talking about his ex-boyfriend perversely. He thought of reprimanding the staff, but he does not trust himself that he won’t blurt out something about Nico when he does. Out of all the love affairs and drama that has been happening at Grey-Sloan, his affairs have been the most private.

So instead, he opted to walk away, and as he does he heard one of the interns say,

“He’s flying in at the request of the UN Secretary-General. I mean, if you have all the power in the world, you would want the best of the best to examine you.”

And with that, the wheels slowly turned. If he felt pathetic before, now he’s angry.

-

“Chief, I’m angry.”

Chief Karev bobbed his head up from his monitor and nodded. A small smile of amusement creeping on his face. Levi pouted at that.

“Took you long enough, Schmitt,” The chief barked, as he sat back. The smile was gone, but he’s looking at him as if he understood him. “But, yes, I’m sure you are, I am too.”

Levi exhaled slowly. His ears and nose were throbbing hot, and it wasn’t just because of the weather anymore. He groaned as he slumped against one of the reclining chairs at the Chief’s office, his eyes narrowing at the Doctor Karev as he crossed his arms.

“He asked very nicely, so I couldn’t react negatively, but bringing in a doctor from another hospital? And Nico Kim, at that?” Levi said sulkily.

Part of his complaint is really about the latter, _I mean, Nico Kim out of all the doctors in the world?!,_ but the real reason of his anger is about his dignity as a doctor. He can’t stand that he’s being sidelined because of his diagnosis, which in fact, he thoroughly researched with his team the whole night. It wasn’t taken lightly. He has never taken any of his cases lightly. He’s a professional and he’s damn good at what he does.

The Chief gave him a thoughtful look. “Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s just an examination. I’m sure his diagnosis will be the same as yours.”

“What if it wasn’t? What if he can do the surgery?”

Chief Karev walked over to him, his hand tapping Levi’s shoulder gently. “When it does happen, we’ll make a fair and right decision, okay?”

Levi nodded and he tried giving the chief a small smile. He felt like a little boy being comforted by his father.

The Chief smiled at him before ruffling his already messy hair. “Doctor Schmitt, you’re awkward as hell, but you’re the best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in this country. Don’t you dare ever forget that.”

 


	3. The Best of the Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Nico Kim arrived at Grey-Sloan and Levi is in his full hysterical mode.

Levi walked out of the operating room, feeling less anxious than the previous days. It was hard to cope up with all the recent happenings, so rather than thinking about it, he buried himself in work instead. No, he wasn’t running away. He was, in fact, delaying his hysteria.

He’s not used to this kind of vulnerability. He had walked away from this 15 years ago, along with its cause which resulted in a heartbreak that made him the man that he is today. And yet, here he was facing the fact that he will see the man he left years ago to follow his dreams. Yes, Levi is currently in his fits of hysterics and he’s not quite sure how he can manage it.

The operation took longer than expected but it was successful. This is a good sign for him. A source of achievement that can temporarily switch his hysteria into something good. He huffed out his nervousness as he walked towards the waiting area where the patient’s expectant family is.

He felt sudden tiredness and that is when he realized that he haven’t had a full night sleep. He thought of taking a shower after or maybe taking a nap in one of the sleeping quarters. He wondered how his apartment is, if it still in its best condition or if he had paid the bills yet. His emotional breakdown hasn’t been helping, and he’s starting to feel the energy drain out of him both physically and mentally.

He was in the midst of his thoughts when he saw his patient’s family. They slowly stood up, walking towards him and he forced himself to smile. They deserve that even from a current mentally hysterical doctor.

“Your son is going to be okay.”

The smile and laughter from the patient’s mother and wife were almost enough to take off his tiredness. He realized that this is the reason why he wanted to be a doctor in the first place. It’s never for recognition or fame, it was always to save lives.

Levi accepted their hugs and kisses, and he honestly felt a little high from their overflowing gratefulness. He’s thankful for these moments as it helps him lift up his mood and make him want to strive more so he can be a better surgeon. Small wins are great wins and that is already enough for Levi.

“Doctor Schmitt! Doctor Schmitt!”

Levi turned his head to see a panicked intern running towards him. He tilted his head a little, confused.

“Yes?”

“We, um, we tried calling you,” the interns said in between breaths, and Levi was reminded of his own intern years.

“Ah yes, I haven’t checked my cell. I just came back from the OR.”

The intern nodded a little too quickly before taking another deep breath. “You’re needed at the VIP’s room. Doctor Kim has arrived.”

Levi stiffly nodded as he tried not to show any emotions. His body was already trembling, his hands all sweaty, as he felt like he’s caught in a haze of black fuzz. His temporary high was now gone, and he was back into a full hysterical mode.

 _It’s going to be a long, painful day,_ he thought bitterly.

-

Levi gathered his thoughts in a daze.

 _You’re the best_ _Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. The best of the best._

He felt like in his intern years, nervously memorizing all the names of each vein in the body. He’s not supposed to feel this way anymore. He’s a professional and he’s the best of the best.   

 _You’re the best_ _Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. The best of the best._

There’s a commotion in the hallway outside the VIP room. Nosy staff was already huddled, trying to peek inside. It looked like a rock star appeared and visited, and Levi almost wanted to join in when he remembered the real reason why. Yes, a rock star alright. A rock star doctor did come.

 _You’re the best_ _Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. The best of the best._

Levi cleared his throat and the staff parted giving him a passage, just like Moses parting the ocean in half. There was so much excitement coming from the hospital staff and media about the arrival of the renowned doctor. They said Doctor Kim was very private and only did a few interviews, including his cover from Time magazine. He’s bright, talented and looked like a Calvin Klein model, and Levi found it all infuriating.  He bitterly reminded himself that Nico’s arrival is a question on his abilities.

 _You’re the best_ _Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. The best of the best._

Nico Kim is here to take his patient. 15 years of hard work and Nico Kim is coming for revenge by taking the most highly covered VIP patient their hospital has ever had. He didn’t go through those horrifying internship years just to be sidelined like this. He can’t and won’t accept it.

 _You’re the best_ _Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. The best of the best._

Just like that, he felt a little better. Anger made him powerful and it fueled him to believe in himself. He’s the best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. He’s a Harper Award recipient twice. Whatever Nico achieved, he also achieved. He shouldn’t be wavering. He should be basking with self-confidence.

Levi paused and looked at the staff, his eyes narrowing. “Don’t you all have work to do? This is not an amusement park. It’s a hospital.”

The staff immediately dispersed, horrified with his reaction. He heard some complaining about wanting to see the foreign doctor while others hushed about not wanting to see Doctor Schmitt angry.

But Levi is indeed angry, and he’s very happy that he is.

-

When he arrived, the Chief, Doctor Bailey, Doctor Grey, and his fellows were already inside. He walked slowly towards them, and the Chief looked at him suspiciously as if questioning his new-found tardiness. The Secretary-General coughed, and Levi switched his attention towards the patient. That’s when he felt his heart stop. Beside the Secretary-General, listening in to his heart with a stethoscope was none other than the man he hasn’t seen for 15 years, Nico Kim.

He can’t remember the last time he saw Nico and yet here is, still looking good. Very, very good. He hasn’t changed one bit, his charming good looks and exceptional stature was still very visible in his grey suit and tie. He had grown taller, more formidable, and Levi honestly felt a little insecure.

Suddenly, he had a painful realization that he hadn’t taken a shower for the day. He hadn’t even checked himself in the mirror after the operation. His nose was probably red and his eyes were probably puffy, framing it with dark circles he surely has after having just a few hours of sleep.

His head was buzzing, insecurities flaming up and he felt like having a panic attack. This was definitely not the revenge scenario he was thinking about. He stepped back a bit and clumsily stumbled at a nearby desk as a result. Nico’s head bobbed up, his piercing brown eyes finding Levi in the process, then smiled.

It’s as if time has stopped, and there they were, just the two of them looking at each other, eye to eye. It reminded him about the days when everything was good; when Nico was just Nico and Levi was just Levi. No pressure, no medical ambition, just two students in the chaos of perfection and excellence, falling in love.

Memories started pouring in, like a sudden storm in the midst of a drought. From the good times where it was all smiles and adoration, to the bitterness and fights, and finally to the painful breakup. Levi saw all of it on Nico’s eyes as if it mirrors all of those memories he had thought he had forgotten.

Chief Karev cleared his throat, and the moment was immediately broken. Levi startled a bit, suddenly aware of his surroundings and quickly broke the eye contact.

“Doctor Kim, this is Doctor Schmitt, our Cardiothoracic Surgeon, and the Secretary-General’s doctor here in Grey-Sloan.”

Nico smiled widely, looking breathtakingly gorgeous, as he walked towards Levi, and offered his hand. “Of course. It’s very nice to see you again, Doctor Schmitt.”

Levi gulped, as he gazed at Nico’s stretched hands. _He has a ring on his finger. When the hell did he marry? I thought I was the love of his life?_ He blinked and stared at the hand in front of him. _He’s married and he didn’t even invite me. But why would he? I broke his heart._

“Doctor Schmitt?”

Suddenly he realized that Nico was still standing in front of him, his arms still stretched, waiting for him to take his hand. He laughed awkwardly, as he gently took his hand and gave it a firm shake. “Uh, yeah, it’s been long.”

Nico threw his head back and laughed, and Levi blinked at his reaction. “Yup, 15 years to be exact.”

The Chief looked at both of them, confused. If it weren’t for the current situation, Levi would have laughed at his puzzled face looking so comedic. "Um, you two knew each other?”

Levi closed his eyes and silently wished that the ground would swallow him up just to get away from this extremely awkward conversation. Whatever happened to his mantra of being the _best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. The best of the best?_ This is way off script and is definitely not how he envisioned it to be. He’s supposed to be basking in self-confidence.

Levi looked at the chief innocently and nervously laughed. “It’s a long sto-”

“We used to date each other actually. He was my first love.”

Levi glared at Nico who just smiled at him. The look of his colleagues is almost as comical as the Chief’s reaction, their eyes, and mouth wide in disbelief. Levi grunted, wanting to beat Nico with his pad, and he’s not even ashamed about thinking about violence in front of the UN Secretary-General.

“I’m glad I brought you guys together then,” the Secretary-General hooted in delight, that Levi had to hide his face with his hands because it’s so horrifying that he can’t even look at anyone anymore. _What is this? Highschool?_

“Who would have thought, huh?” Nico said, amused.

The Chief shuffled a bit before clearing his throat once again and Levi nervously peaked between his fingers.

“Regarding the Secretary-General’s situation, what do you say, Doctor Kim?”

Nico’s face turned serious as he walked back towards the Bourisicot family. He took the pad on the bedside table and started scrolling through it. “I read the test results and analysis that you sent, Doctor Karev. All of the findings and initial assessment of Doctor Schmitt were correct, but I have a proposed method we can use.”

The Secretary-General and his wife gasped. Mrs. Bourisicot held onto Nico’s hand like it’s made of gold, her face a mixture of joy and surprise. “You mean, my husband can be healed, Doctor Kim?”

Nico gave them an assuring smile, “Yes, Genevive. But we need to do the surgery right away.”

“Whatever it takes, Doctor Kim.”

-

Levi was silent as he walked through the hospital halls with the rest of the surgery heads. In front of them was the Chief who took the responsibility of touring the renowned doctor around Grey-Sloan. Levi watched Nico looked around in wonder, occasionally bowing his head a little and smiling widely when the medical staff would wave or greeted him in admiration. He fought the urge to roll his eyes at them, so instead, he grunted. He hated this kind of attention, and he especially hated it when the attention is thrown towards his ex-boyfriend who seemingly loving every bit of it. Doctor Grey probably had heard him because she nudged at him, a smirk smeared on her pretty face.

“You’re being too obvious.”

“W-what?”

“Oh, Doctor Schmitt. You’re cute when you’re in denial.”

Levi glared at her and she brushed it off with a laugh.

They went through every area of the hospital, from the OR, the morgue, the ICU, and to the ambulance bay.  As they walked around, admirers would approach them, smiling and waving as if they’re celebrities. Levi felt like the Chief was parading Nico like some kind of muse and them following him around like some kind of groupie. It was uncomfortable and downright awkward, and Levi wished for it to finish.

As they approach one of the lecture halls, Doctor Karev turned to look at Nico, his face deadpan serious.

“Doctor Kim, I know John Hopkins has probably called you knowing your affiliation with them, but I insist that the surgery has to be done here at Grey-Sloan.”

Nico smiled as he tucked his hands in his pockets. “I agree, the Secretary-General can't risk the travel. Besides, I saw the pool of media when I came here. I understand your worry. I didn’t even think of suggesting another hospital. Grey-Sloan is one of the best in this country.”

The Chief nodded. “And since this is a teaching hospital, I’d like the students and the other doctors to be lectured and be able to observe.”

“No problem with me. I’m willing to do an assessment lecture in front of everyone and to open the operation for observation, only if the Bourisicot family agreed.”

“Okay then, is there anything more we can help you with?”

Nico gave a thoughtful look before looking at Levi. “Yes, I’d like Doctor Schmitt and his team to assist me.”

“Wait, what?” Levi stared at him and tried his very best not to smack Nico’s smug handsome face right there and then.

Nico just shrugged. “If I’m doing the surgery, I want the best of the best to assist me. Doctor Schmitt is the best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in this country. I’d would want to have the opportunity to learn from him. I hope you don’t mind, Doctor Schmitt.”

Levi bit his lip as he gaped at Nico. What can one say after that kind of remark? Nico had hit all the right words, and Levi reminded himself of his mantra earlier. He felt proud, and a little bit giddy, hearing those words come out from Nico’s mouth.

 _You’re the best_ _Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the country. The best of the best._

“I… of course not.”

“Well then, I’m looking forward to working with you, Doctor Schmitt,” Nico said, smiling widely.

He walked over to Levi and offered his hand.

“Ah, yeah,” Levi said, his head still in a daze, as he shook Nico’s hand.  

“Okay then, I’ll see you all in the Lecture Hall tomorrow morning. Thanks again, Doctor Karev for the tour. It was very lovely.”

With that, Nico Kim walked away, his young boyish look still charming as ever, and his warm touch still lingering on his hands. And Levi wondered how he had let go of someone as perfect as him.

 


	4. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico presented the patient's case in front of the hospital staff as Levi watched among the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a while but here it is. Feedback is appreciated, good or bad. :)

Levi blinked twice. Shuffled. Sighed. Stared.

He couldn’t sleep. Four hours have passed, his eyes already tired and sore as he stared at the ceiling like it’s the most complicated jigsaw puzzle he had encountered. He tried to organize his thoughts in order to understand what had happened the day earlier, then grimaced when he couldn’t seem to remember most of it. The memories were all fuzzled up but the emotion he felt remained.

There were anger and frustration, then shock, and for a brief moment, there was joy, then frustration, and lastly, there was longing.

The longing part was hard to admit and the hardest for Levi to decipher. It was like a foreign feeling creeping inside of him as he stared at Nico, his words ringing in his ears like a repeating echo whispered in an empty space. Nico had acknowledged his skills. The root problem of his anxiety days earlier, his competence as a doctor, was recognized by the same guy he left to hone it in the first place.

_If I’m doing the surgery, I want the best of the best to assist me. Doctor Schmitt is the best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in this country. I’d would want to have the opportunity to learn from him._

Nico did it so heedlessly, without a hinge of pretention or teasing. Like he’s stating a fact from a book. And it made Levi feel things that he shouldn't be feeling. Like longing.

It’s hard to admit because Levi had moved on. He knew he had. It was easy for him because he was the bad guy in their relationship. He was the one who broke the engagement and watched Nico walked away in tears. He was the villain and he shouldn’t, couldn’t be feeling anything but insouciance. He has no right. Not anymore. Yet, meeting Nico again after 15 long years, his eyes on him, a smile forming on his gorgeous face, Levi felt longing. He had missed him.  

Nico, however, had changed. It puzzled Levi on how strange he was. He had expected awkwardness. Maybe some hostility. But he never expected Nico to be so carefree. As if he wasn’t meeting the man he called his first love whom he hasn’t seen for almost two decades. The man who broke his heart cruelly. The man who bitterly denied loving him., Instead, Nico look at him like meeting a long lost friend, greeted him like they parted ways mutually, and complimented him like he still cares for Levi. Like he had forgotten or even forgiven everything.

Levi shuffled again, his heart pounding hard through his chest. His mind remembering Nico’s touch, the cold metal of his wedding ring piercing through his warm skin. Nico looked happy, satisfied, defying all Levi’s expectations of their first meeting.

Nico had moved on and Levi honestly didn't know how to feel about that.

He wondered how Nico life has been, how he got married, how he had achieved his dreams of being of a doctor. He wondered how his parents are, how his beautiful sister has been and if he still keeps his apartment in New York. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, yet he’s so afraid to know the answers.

He’s probably gone crazy, thinking about his ex-boyfriend like this. But maybe he has because he rather goes insane than feel pathetic.

So Levi continued lying on his bed, at 4 AM, staring at the ceiling and pretending its a complicated jigsaw puzzle, like a crazy delirious man.

-

Morning came after with great excitement. The doctors were all seated at one of Grey-Sloan’s lecture halls, all buzzing with anticipation as they gaze at the stage where Doctor Nico Kim stood. Behind him was a huge LED screen displaying an animated heart.

The Chief had sent out an email about the lecture and within a minute the lecture hall was filled with delighted doctors and medical students. Levi too. He wouldn’t show it but he too was quite elevated. His tired body was fueled by the thrill of knowing which method Nico will use for the surgery and, from the deepest part of his mind, the longing of seeing him once again.

Nico’s arrival is a good and rare opportunity for Grey-Sloan. After all, every doctor is a student of science. No matter how proficient and skillful they were, they should always find ways to challenge their methods and learn from other innovators, in this case, Charité’s very own renowned doctor.

Nico glanced up from his pad and faced the audience with a smile. He looked like he belonged. Like being on stage in front of numerous medical professionals was his natural habitat. Levi almost felt envious until he heard the cheers coming from his fellow doctors and nurses, mostly a fit of giggles and some sort of lewd delirium. He tried his best not to scowl.

Levi reckoned that Nico has this unique ability which can turn professional practitioners into a group of high school students. It was apparent yesterday, and it still very apparent today. Ever since before when they were still dating, people would follow Nico like he’s some religious cult leader. Loving the way he talks, the way he moves and just the way he is. Everyone was charmed, yet Levi can’t really blame them. He was once like them, and maybe he still was.

Years of separation, and here they were - the man he had broken standing on the stage accomplished and renowned, while he watched over among the faceless crowd. It sounded like a typical Adele song, but it’s the hard truth that Levi was currently facing. How the tables have turned.

“Good Morning, everyone. My name is Doctor Nico Kim, and I’m currently the chief of Cardiothoracic and Neurosurgery based at the Charité Universitätsmedizin Berlin. I’m here to talk about the case of our VIP patient, Mr. Chandler Bourisicot, the current United Nations Secretary-General.”

Levi sat quietly in the front seat between the Chief and Doctor Grey. It was a perfect view of the stage and of the presentation, and if needed any clarity, it’ll be easier for him to ask.

Doctor Grey glanced at him, her smile turning cheeky, before nudging Levi with her elbow. “You think he’ll take off his shirt if you asked?”

For a second, Levi couldn’t do anything but gaped at her, his eyes wide in horror. “Doctor Grey, are you on drugs?”

“Jesus, Doctor Schmitt. Lighten up the mood, will you?”

“I will if you started acting like an adult.”

“Oh, cmon. It’s not every day we see a handsome brilliant doctor in here,” Doctor Grey whispered, then smirked. “But in your case, a handsome brilliant ex-lover.”

“I’m gonna stop talking to you now.”

Doctor Grey giggled as Levi continued to stare at her. Has the world gone mad? Or maybe Doctor Grey had a late night and is still drunk out of her mind. The Chief raised his eyebrow at them and Levi quickly straightened his back, which made Doctor Grey burst out another fit of giggles.

“For God sake, I feel like I’m at a One Direction concert,” the Chief muttered irritably, before swiveling from his seat and barking a loud “Quiet!” at the audience.

Instantly the room was swept in silence, thanks to the Chief, and Nico smiled at him appreciatively.

“This is the Secretary-General’s heart,” Nico pointed out, as he walked towards the screen. “As assessed by Doctor Schmitt, he’s been suffering from a heart problem we call the Aortic Valve Stenosis. As you can see right here, Calcification is slowly forming and is quite strong, and in addition, Ventricular Tachycardia has also occurred.”

Levi nodded at Nico’s statement as it was his initial assessment. His findings were correct, thoroughly researched and tested, but his conclusion has gotten to where they are right now. At first, he felt like his patient was being stolen but if Nico can find a way to do the surgery and save their patient’s life, he’ll take it. Because he’s a doctor first and foremost, and their main and only job is to save lives.

“Understandably, any excellent Cardiothoracic surgeon would advise that we shouldn’t do a surgery, and to take into consideration the patient’s heart function, the size of his annulus and his age,” Nico continued, his eyes finding Levi’s, and smiling. Levi blushed and quickly glance away. He could hear Doctor Grey having another fit of giggles and Levi had an urged to beat her with his pad.

“Around here, you can see about 4cm from the ascending aorta at the right coronary artery. Our aim now is to insert an 8mm spiral shaped incision at his right coronary artery,” Nico said, his hands pointing at the screen.

“We’ll extend the incision at the right ventricle then join both the aorta and the right ventricle. Next, the aortic annulus will be incised together with the Ventricular Septum. By doing so, the annulus will be enlarged.”

“Are you proposing the Konno technique?” Levi asked, incredulously, his heart stopping when he realized he had asked out loud. He cleared his throat, ignoring the stares of his colleagues, and steady his gaze at Nico.

“Correct, Doctor Schmitt,” Nico nodded at him. He tapped his pad to focus the view on the pulmonary valve of the heart. “Using the Konno technique, after the annulus pathway is open, we’ll attach a prosthetic valve and artificial blood vessel around here. This way the size of the annulus can be enlarged by 3 times and can go up to 23mm.”

“I seriously suggest you get a kiss for every correct answer.” Doctor Grey whispered and Levi gave her a flat stare, contemplating on either chocking her or bringing her for a drug test later.

He glanced back at Nico, perturbed. Technically, the Konno technique can work for this kind of surgery but it still doesn’t address the problem the weakening heart function of their patient. The Secretary-General is 70 years old, and his heart is very delicate. An advance complicated surgery such as this may cause their patient to have a cardiac attack during the operation. This is the exact same reason why he had initially advice to forego the surgery.

“But this kind of surgery can be a burden due to his age, Doctor Kim.”

Nico paused and looked straight at Levi. There was no smile this time, just a small nod. “Correct again, Doctor Schmitt. That’s why we will use Myocardial Protective Solution with Del Nido.”

Murmurs started buzzing across the hall. Del Nido Cardioplegia is one of the most complicated procedures in cardiac surgery, and only a few medical facilities entertain its idea. There’s only a handful of studies and research about it but it is enough to have Cleveland and Boston's hospitals use it on their cardiac surgeries in both pediatric and adult cases. It is a promising technique, including its importance in high-risk coronary artery bypass, however, it’s still a very difficult procedure and very risky to do in such a high-profile patient.

Nonetheless, Nico seemed unfazed from the whispers of doubt coming from the pool of doctors in front of him. Even if he does, he didn’t show it, instead, he seemed untroubled, amused even.

Doctor Karev sighed, his eyes narrowing at the foreign doctor in front of him. “Theoretically your method is correct, Doctor Kim. But have you ever done this before?”

“Yes, 62 cases Doctor Karev. All successful and documented,” Nico replied politely. He clicked his pad to show a picture of him with an elderly man on to the screen. “One is, Friedrich Weber, a 72 years old German who took the same surgery 3 years ago at Charite and is now my jogging buddy.”

The audience erupted with laughter, including the Chief, and Levi knew then that whatever ounce of doubt they have earlier has disappeared. Of course, Nico came prepared. He knew the risk and complications, and he knew how to overcome it. He is an extremely skilled surgeon, one who isn’t afraid of trying convoluted methods, and Levi can’t help it but be proud of him.  

“I will perform the surgery alongside Doctor Schmitt this Friday. I hope you all learn a thing or two. I’ll see you all there.” Nico said before taking his bow.

It was a good lecture. Nico had delivered it with class, precision, and clarity. The huge applause that erupted across the hall indicated that his audience agreed and Levi joined them in cheering him. It was a new method, something he wasn’t sure of, but after Nico’s lecture, it had left him assured that they can indeed save their patient. He took aside his pride for the moment to accept the fact that he's still had some learning to do. Levi may be the best in the country but Nico, he’s in another level.

Chief Karev nudged him, and Levi quickly veered back his attention to him, blushing a bit for being caught staring. The Chief stared at him for a moment, gimlet-eyed, and then relents with a sniff.

“Listen, that’s a very good presentation and Doctor Kim just assured us that he can do the surgery, and he seemed very confident about it but this is still my Hospital and you’re my head of Cardiothoracic Surgery, and I still want your opinion on this.”

Levi nodded at the Chief. He completely understood his concerns. If they fail in this highly publicized surgery, the Hospital’s reputation will take the hit.  

“I’ve never done a Del Nido. It’s a very risky surgery and there’s a lot to consider, but it can save our patient. I think we should trust Doctor Kim on this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

The Chief gave him one last look before finally nodding. He gestured at Levi to follow him, and they walked quietly towards Nico who’s waiting patiently in the corner.

“What an impressive lecture, Doctor Kim. We’re all looking forward to the surgery,” the Chief said, as he offered his hands to Nico.

Nico took his hands with a smile. “Thank you for your trust, Doctor Karev.”

“There’s really no need to thank me -”

“Wait, is that the great Doctor Nico Kim standing in the halls of Grey-Sloan?”

Levi watched Nico quickly turned his back at them, his smile slowly turning wide, as he came face to face with their Chief of Orthopedics, Atticus Lincoln. They grinned at each other for a minute before exchanging a bear hug.

Doctor Karev looked at them confused. “Did you, um, dated him as well?”

“What?” Link asked, horrified.

Nico threw his head back and laughed. “No, no. Dear God, no. Link here is an old friend of mine. He, however, dated my sister before.”

“Which is a story that should only be told when there’s alcohol present. Speaking of which, drinks after? I get off at 4, and I’d like to catch up.”

“Sure man,” Nico said with a smile then turned at them, “Doctor Karev and Doctor Schmitt, would you like to join?”

The Chief grinned at them. “Okay. I’ll clear my schedule.”

“Levi?”

Levi’s head snapped up, his eyes catching Nico’s. He was looking at him intently and Levi tried not to squirm from it. The truth is, he wasn’t being attentive, he was actually listening. He had heard the small banter between Nico and Link. He had heard about the invitation to drink. But something had caught him off guard. Nico had said his name. It felt like a foreign word coming from his mouth. It’s been years since Nico last uttered Levi’s name, and hearing it for the first time after so long, was making Levi feel things like confusion, nervousness, and _longing._

“I, ah, have a thing actually.”

Nico smile faltered, his body visibly tensing. “It won’t take an hour.”

“It’s really, a very important… thing,” Levi finished lamely, but it's this or an hour of an uncomfortable drinking session with their jock orthopedic surgeon, their Hospital chief, and his gorgeous ex-boyfriend that keeps giving him a whirlwind of complicated feelings.

Nico went still, his facial features difficult to pick out, before finally giving him a tiny nod. “Of course, Doctor Schmitt. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yes, I’ll inform the Secretary-General about his surgery.”

Nico looked at him expressionlessly, then after what felt like an uncomfortable silent moment, he nodded, before finally walking away with Doctor Link.

“A thing huh?”

Levi quickly glanced back at the Chief who’s watching him, his expression unreadable. He then crossed the space between them and softly tapped Levi’s head, like a father to his son.

“It's one thing to run away from a problem. It's entirely another to run away from your self.”

-

“Helm, I need you.”

“Go away. I only have three hours of sleep.”

“I only have two so I win.”

Taryn looked up and glared at Levi. She shuffled frustratedly on her bed, one that she claimed her own at one of their sleeping quarters. “This is not a competition! What is wrong with you?”

Levi shrugged, then tiredly laid down beside her, he leaned his head on her shoulders asking for comfort. “I have a huge surgery on Friday and I badly need a drink.”

“Is this about the hot doctor from Berlin?”

Levi flinched then muttered, “Who happens to be my ex-boyfriend.”

Taryn raised her eyebrow at him. “Nico Kim is your ex-boyfriend?”

“That’s not important. I’m supposed to assist him on a very complicated surgery on the UN Secretary General and I’m freaking out.”

Taryn snorted as she rolled her eyes. “You're an excellent surgeon, Levi. I'm pretty sure that’s not why you’re freaking out. Spill.”

Levi swallowed nervously, hiding his face on Taryn’s arms. “Um, remember that time I got so drunk at one of Daryn’s house parties? Remember when you asked me what’s the secret to my success, and I started spilling out about this guy who was my first love but I have to ditch him because he’s giving me so much pressure about marriage and I-  I really wanted to focus on my studies.”

“Holy shit, I thought you were bullshitting me.”

“What?”

Taryn snorted again, then smiled. “I mean honestly looking at you, no offense honey, but you look like that kind of guy who gets dumped rather than the guy who does the dumping.”

“What a good friend you are.”

“And that is why we are best friends,” Taryn laughed, her body shaking. “So let me get this straight, Nico Kim was the guy you dumped before. And after many years, he came back, extremely successful and looking like a million dollar bucks. How’s that for revenge?”

“I just, I don’t know how to feel. I honestly -”

“Hey, you might have forgotten this, but you have a boyfriend. A very kind, and loving boyfriend.”

Levi stared at Taryn, appalled, then he drew a long deep breath. He hadn’t forgotten about Brandon, and he would never, ever going to betray him. Whatever he’s feeling has nothing to do about him. “I’m not going to cheat on Brandon, Taryn. Besides Nico is married.”

“Oh is he?”

“Yeah, I saw the ring on his finger.”

“Then why are you freaking out? He’s married. You’re committed. Period,” Helm said, then her face turned serious as she adjusted her position to look evenly at Levi. “Unless you still have feelings for Doctor Kim?”

“I-”, Levi bit down his tongue to stop himself from talking. He honestly didn't know the answer to Taryn’s question. Nico does instill a lot of feelings to Levi - anger, joy, confusion, _longing._

After a long, excruciating silence, Taryn spoke, her voice gentle and soft, “He’s the one that got away, huh?”

Levi took a deep breath, closed his eyes, then nodded. It was a painful admission. He figured that longing for Nico meant something, and if it hadn’t registered before, it’s very evident now. He longed for Nico because he still has feelings for him.

He had regretted everything - from the moment they grew apart to the way they parted, but after long years of separation, he had forgotten the feeling. He had moved on. Yet, seeing Nico for the first time in 15 years, basking in happiness and success, as if nothing painful ever happened in his life, Levi remembered. He had tried to hide it with stronger feelings like anger and irritation, but as he looked at Nico’s eyes, as he listened to his voice, as he watched him move, it all came back.

Yet Levi has no right to express it. He had lost that right years ago. He couldn’t take it back even if he wanted to. So, instead, Levi settled for longing. It’s easier, and he can do it silently, without hurting anyone. Levi understood the rules, and he’s willing to respect it. He has given another chance to see Nico again, and he’s not going to fuck it up with his own personal turmoil. Even if Nico never kisses him, never touches him, ever again - just to be able to talk to him, even as professionals, is enough.

“Okay, Schmitt. Take a shower, we’re going to get wasted tonight.”

Levi smiled and jumped out of the bed enthusiastically while Taryn rolled her eyes at him and started muttering curse words under her breath. But no matter how rude or harsh she can be, she does small little things like this for Levi, and that is why he will always consider her as his best friend.


End file.
